


The Story of My Life

by winterpillowtalk



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Death, Drug Addiction, F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, One Shot, Post-Zayn One Direction, Recreational Drug Use, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 10:37:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5866204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterpillowtalk/pseuds/winterpillowtalk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn starts a new band after he leaves One Direction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Story of My Life

One day, Zayn was like “oh my god, let’s start a band since I am no longer with one direction. I love N-“

“Shhh,” Kim yelled, as she was still fighting with Dan. He didn’t like potatoes, Kim did not approve with this view at all. She loved potatoes.  
3D+D, Dan and Ayla were all at studio A7, Block A, Friars Sounds, and they originally were going to plan many things for the future of 3D+D, including this album that Zayn wants to make because he can’t be bothered with writing his own solo work; and also he wanted some food but wasn’t willing to say that because Kim might fight him.

“Why are you fighting? Don’t fight Dan,” Ayla said, snorting some cheese powder.

“You’re all weird…” Daire said, narrowing her eyes at Ayla who was now rubbing the cheese into her gums like a maniac.

Zayn was looking at pictures of One Direction, crying. He had tried to call them but he was always put onto voicemail. The only contact he had with his former bandmates was the “HhgWWWGGHHH” in Never Enough – his biggest accomplishment. However, they didn’t credit him. Zayn was murderous.

“I’m going to have a bath,” Dan announced, bath bomb and phone in hand. He always had a Lush bath bomb with him, and Kim was sure they were one.

Dan left, and ended up dropping his phone in the bathwater, electrocuting himself. He really wanted a bath in the studio, so Ayla very kindly convinced Daire, who was also a bath fan, to add one to studio A7.  
Luckily, Dan was not part of the band-to-be, so he wasn’t missed. At all. Not even Ayla missed him, she was glad he was gone from her life because he hated cheese and tomatoes and potatoes and joy.

“That was unfortunate,” Kim said. “I have no one to fight.” Everyone sighed a little, and Kim felt tears well up in her eyes. She loved fighting Dan; it was her favourite thing to do when she wasn’t farming cats and writing status reports on 3D+D.

There was an awkward silence for a while, none of them knowing what to say or do. They had a body in the bath, boiling away happily. Ayla considered making herself some pasta, too.

“We need to have some songs on this album,” Zayn suggested.

“Wham! Rap,” Caitlin said, looking for the song on her phone. Soon enough, the beautiful sounds of George Michael filled the room.

“This is _perfect_ ,” Kim shouted.

“That ref. tho,” Ayla said, on her tenth line of cheese powder.

“It was amaZAYN,” Zayn said, laughing at his own pun.

“Hughghuhgbhbh,” Daire phissed, because she did not appreciate the beautiful puns that Zayn is capable of creating. Zayn knows many adjectives including phenomiNIALL, fabLOUIS, extraordinHARRY and brilLIAM.

“This is why you’re part of the band!” Dan said from the grave. He loved this band, with much passion – the same passion that Caitlin and Kim have for graphic design and bad One Direction Imagines.

“Okay, so we have Wham! so far,” Caitlin announced, phone in hand as she scrolls through the 1,000,001 One Direction songs and remixes in her music library.

“No, I’m hungry,” exclaims Ayla, even though she just had her 12th line of cheese powder.

“We should make some vegan food,” Caitlin said, looking through all the recipes saved in her memory. She knew _all_ of the vegan recipes ever made.

“Yes.”

Caitlin made vegan food, but Ayla realised there wasn’t any cheese and had a cardiac arrest. She thought she would join Dan, but Ayla went to Purgatory and Dan had gone to potato heaven, or in his words, potato hell.

“I can’t believe we’ve lost all our fans,” Zayn sobbed whilst stuffing his face with falafels. He was a mess, much like Caitlin.

“I hate all of you,” Daire muttered, searching for her misplaced chickpeas. She looked up, and saw Zayn, eating the chickpeas and falafels and vegan cupcakes, and basically all the food Caitlin had lovingly made for _all_ of 3D+D, not just him.

“The disrespect!” Caitlin said, wanting to hit him but she couldn’t because he was too pure for this world, like a cinnamon roll. Funnily enough, Caitlin hadn’t made any cinnamon rolls which is good because Zayn might’ve eaten himself, which is cannibalism, Zayn. Don’t do it, kids. Don’t do drugs either, children. Look at Ayla, she’s doing cheese.

“Sorry,” Zayn said, obviously not caring. He was too fat now. He couldn’t move at all. He was stuck, forever, in the studio, which was ironic because he joined 3D+D because he was too lazy to write his own songs.

“We’re going to have to roll him out,” Kim said with a small sigh. “I haven’t had much practice though.”

“It’s okay, Kim. _We’re all in this together_ ,” sang Caitlin.

“Hhhnngngng,” Daire said, although it was still in tune to the song. Secretly, she loved HSM too much. She even had a tattoo dedicated to Troy’s left ear.

“ _You gotta help me_ ,” Kim said, pushing Zayn from his seat. He moved slightly, but she needed more people. IF ONLY DAN HADN’T DIED. ALSO, IF ONLY AYLA HADN’T DIED. C’MON GUYs. NO. 1 FANS. WHO DOES THAT??????? NOT NO.1 FANS!!!!!!!

“ _I’m losing my mind!!!!!!!!,”_ Daire screams.

“I know you are,” Dan The Ghost said, still in the bath – a ghost bath.

“Spooky,” Zayn said, going into a food coma. He was dying, too. Nothing was going well and they only had one song. 3D+D was already a disaster.

[A few weeks later]

“At least we tried,” Caitlin said, throwing the unfinished album into a random person’s room.

“Yes, that’s all that matters. Effort 1,” Kim said, who was the other remaining 3D+D member, because Daire had decided to go horse riding, but unfortunately got struck by lightning in Scotland. There were rumours that the lightning was sent by Zayn and Dan, who had now become besties after resolving the bus issue. Niall is ok.


End file.
